Monologues for 11/17 meeting....

Male:  Picasso at the Lapine Agile

Well, you’re a painter, you’re always having to come up with ideas.  What’s it like?  I mean, the only idea I ever came up with was when I had to paint my shutters.  I had to figure out a color.  And I thought about it for a long time.  Should they be a light color or a dark color?  For a while, forest blue seemed nice; then, I realized there is no such thing as forest blue.  I tried to flip a coin but lost it on the roof.  I started thinking, “What are shutters anyway, and what would their natural color be?”  Then I realized that shutters don’t occur in nature, so they don’t have a natural color.  Suddenly, I knew I was just moments away from a decision, just moments, finally.  Then this gorgeous thing walks by with ruby lips and a face the shape of a valentine.  I swiveled my head around and snapped a tendon.   That put the decision off for three days.  Then I thought, “Maybe just take off the shutters”; I started thinking about moving to a land where there are no shutters and, frankly, suicide.  But one day I said to myself, “Green” and that was it.

Male:  The Wiz

I wasn’t always made outta tin, you know.  I used to be a real flesh and blood wood chopper, till one day a wicked old witch put a spell on my axe.  She really did some number…let me tell you.  And one day when I was chopping down a tree that axe slipped and cut off my left leg.  So I went to this here tinsmith I knew, and I said “Hey man, do you think youcould fix me up with a tin leg.  Well, he did.  So the next day I’m back choppin’, doin’ my thing, and the same thing happens to my right leg!  So I go back to the tinsmith and get me another leg.  Well, before I knew what was happening, bit by bit…I was all tin.  And that’s the way it all came about.

Male: Julius Caesar

O mighty Caesar! dost thou lie so low?
Are all thy conquests, glories, triumphs, spoils,
Shrunk to this little measure? Fare thee well.
I know not, gentlemen, what you intend,
Who else must be let blood, who else is rank:
If I myself, there is no hour so fit
As Caesar's death hour, nor no instrument
Of half that worth as those your swords, made rich
With the most noble blood of all this world.
I do beseech ye, if you bear me hard,
Now, whilst your purpled hands do reek and smoke,
Fulfil your pleasure. Live a thousand years,
I shall not find myself so apt to die:
No place will please me so, no mean of death,
As here by Caesar, and by you cut off,
The choice and master spirits of this age

Female:  August Osage County

 I ever tell you the story of Raymond Qualls?  Rough lookin’ boy, beat up Levis, messy hair.  But he had these beautiful cowboy boots, shiny chocolate leather.  He was so proud of those boots, you could tell by the way he’s strut around.  I decided I needed to get a girly pair of those boots and I knew he’d ask me to go steady.  He’d see me in those boots and say “Now there’s the gal for me.”  Found the boots in a window downtown and just went crazy. Must have asked Momma a hundred times if I could get those boots.  “What do you want for Christmas, Vi?”  “Momma, I’ll give all of it up for those boots.”  She started dropping hints about a package under the tree she had wrapped up about the size of a boot box.  “Now Vi, don’t you cheat and look in there before Christmas morning!”  Little smile on her face.  Christmas morning I was up like a shot tearing open that box.  There was a pair of boots, all right…men’s work boots, holes in the toes, caked in mud and dog poo.  Lord my Momma laughed for days.  My momma was a mean, nasty old woman.  I suppose that’s where I got it from.

Female:  Taming of the Shrew

The more my wrong, the more his spite appears.
What, did he marry me to famish me?
Beggars that come unto my father's door
Upon entreaty have a present alms;
If not, elsewhere they meet with charity;
But I, who never knew how to entreat,
Nor never needed that I should entreat,
Am starv'd for meat, giddy for lack of sleep;
With oaths kept waking, and with brawling fed;
And that which spites me more than all these wants-
He does it under name of perfect love;
As who should say, if I should sleep or eat,
'Twere deadly sickness or else present death.
I prithee go and get me some repast;
I care not what, so it be wholesome food.

Female:  Alice in Wonderland

Why, how impolite of him. I asked him a civil question, and he pretended not to hear me. That's not at all nice. [Calling after him] I say, Mr. White Rabbit, where are you going? Hmmm. He won't answer me. And I do so want to know what he is late for. I wonder if I might follow him. Why not? There's no rule that I mayn't go where I please. I--I will follow him. Wait for me, Mr. White Rabbit. I'm coming, too! [Falling] How curious. I never realized that rabbit holes were so dark . . . and so long . . . and so empty. I believe I have been falling for five minutes, and I still can't see the bottom! Hmph! After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs. How brave they'll all think me at home. Why, I wouldn't say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time. I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny that would be. Oh, I think I see the bottom. Yes, I'm sure I see the bottom. I shall hit the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it will hurt.